I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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