Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
