Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
