CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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