girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
