I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
