i love accidental penises.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize