Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
