Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
