We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
