I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
