Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
