ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
