Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize