She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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