Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
