it hurts more in the daytime
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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