Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
