I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
