I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
