Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Randomize
