I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
