Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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