He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
