you would pick up someone in the library
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
