You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
