im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
