It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
