i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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