I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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