Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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