I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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