My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
