Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
