I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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