There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
