I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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