i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
