Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
nutella sex= disaster
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
