he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
