she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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