so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize