I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
