but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
