Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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