Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize