Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
