grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
