I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
