remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
