Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
