Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
