He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Text me some of your sweat
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