Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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