I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
