Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
