Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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