I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
