my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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