I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
