If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize