the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
