i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your cock deserves a montage
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize