the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
