why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
