my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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