I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize