So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
