a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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