Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
