evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
