just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
