omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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