He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
