At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
