Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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