I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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