yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
