just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
