Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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