I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
