I accidentally had phone sex last night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
