You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
