i need an iv and a liver transplant
Barsexuality is the new black.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
