Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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