Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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