So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
