He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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