he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
