after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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