Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
