I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
