he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
