she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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