I love black thongs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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