3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize